Today was the first time in a long while that I actually felt overjoyed to be pregnant. I know that sounds werid but most of the time, I am so worried or paranoid (First time mom gitters I think) but today was different...I was proud to be pregnant.

At noon today I decided that I was going to go downtown and run some errands. Shawn was going in the opposite direction to blockbuster so that meant it would be my first big walk by myself in a long time. Shawn usually comes with me just in case something happens. (We both got into this habit thanks to one of my OB's telling me my pain was the baby and that she could be here any moment...stupid dr )

So anyways... today was really nice... sun was out, it was warming up, so I geared up for what I knew would be about a 3 hour walk...would have been a quicker walk if my big ol waddle butt could move faster these days...but..meh!

I stopped in at the local soup kitchen cause I had to pee by the time I got down the hill and downtown (5 minutes from the last time I pee'd at my house)...as soon as I was done, I stepped out in the dining area and OMG!!!! It smelt soooooo goood... I couldn't help myself...I knew I could afford to make something when I got home...but DAMN!!!! I went to ask what kind of soup it was and before I could ask they handed me a bowl and told me to sit down and enjoy it. I know the people who run it and they know I don't need there services but they don't care... they will feed the rich if they step in the door. But ladies... gosh oh mighty that was the best homemade tomato soup I ever had... tasted like the tomatoes were still in the vines fresh. I went to take my bowl to the bin so they could clean it and as soon as I put the bowl in the bin this lady hands me another bowl and says "you got to eat more then that...you need to make sure she's healthy y'know"... of course, who am I to say no to a little ol lady....lol

After I was done with my lunch, I had to go pick up a few things for DF and then make the dreaded walk into H&R Block.... I had an appointment with them last week but because I was in the hospital the night before, I didn't go. I walked in and all of the reps were out front hanging around. The receptionist asked how I was and I replied huffing and puffing at this point cause I did ALOT of walking between then and lunch, "good... just need me a scooter to get me home and I'll be fine." They all smirked or giggled to themselves. I handed her my paperwork and she informed me that the computers were down and they couldn't do my taxes today... ok fine.. didn't feel like getting depressed because I am going to owe someone else money after they are done...lol So on my way home I went.

I was so proud of my belly and the fact that I felt comfortable showing my new figure without hiding it under my jacket. I couldn't stop looking in all of the store windows just to look at my belly. People probably thought I was a crazy window shopper...but nope.. just luvin ma belly...lol I think the dreadfullness came back when I was approaching the hill before my house. It's really steep and even before I was pg, I could barely walk it without having to stop halfway (thank god the city put benches halfway up all the hills in town...lol) Anyhoo, I make it up without stopping and feel like I am about to die...then I get the overjoyed feeling again.. I accomplished something I didn't think I could do while being this big and then I started felling my LO turning and I am guessing she was getting fed up with all of mommy's walking bouncing her around in there.

I got home and my dog went pyscho..as usual  and Shawn tells me that clothes are in the dryer and should be done shortly... I nearly fell over cause he never and I mean NEVER does any chores without me having to hassle him to help me do them. I was shocked... but happy cause I spilt some soup on my last clean maternity shirt and it was good timing on his part. I layed down and asked him to wake me in a hour so I could walk the dog, cause I was exhausted from all the walking and I knew I wouldn't be able to walk her without a nap. Now that all of my chores are done.. I want to sleep but Shawn won't let me... he says that if I nap too long now, I'll never sleep tonight.

Oh and so you get an idea of the steepness of the "mountain" I had to climb up today, go to my pictures and click on the cmaera phone picture from 08.. it's the photo of him sitting on Sneakers' back on the sidewalk...that is the hill. He was trying to get her to carry him up the hill...lol She didn't go for that idea to much...

And on a funny note, I had 3 people tell me I was due anyday now, which I had to correct them and tell them I have about 2 months left...there eyes were like...WHAT!!!... it was funny. I also had someone come up to me and tell me that I wasn't pregnant and that I need to stop playing stupid games to try and get attention. . . WTF??? Ummm... ok... I barely leave my house so whose attention am I trying to get here, and HELLO!!! look at my buddha belly here... I am not gaining weight anywhere else like I would be if I wasn't pg.... GEESH! I nearly smacked her (she is someone who knows an ol ex of mine. He believes I can't have kids cause he couldn't get the job done so now he tells everyone I can't have kids.) But that didn't ruin my day... I was too into my belly.

EDIT: Forgot to mention... my hips and back have been sore since this morning so all of the walking I think helped her drop cause now every time I take a step I feel the need to pee...lol

Skip to the 4th last paragraph if you don't feel like reading my book.

Time:
Wednesday morning around 3am to just shortly before lunch.
Location:
My home, a cab, and the L&D floor of the hospital.
Important people to be mentioned:
1) Dr. M ~ the dr I had my ob appointment with yesterday, never seen her before that.
2) Dr. E ~ my regular OB who has been with me since I started my clomid adventures.
3) Dr. C ~ the other OB dr that I had seen on several occasions at my monthly appointments, she is also the one who told me that all of the symptoms I was experiencing were because the baby was coming.
4) Nurse ~ I'm not sure of her name but she was sooo nice to me last night.


Last night(well technically 3am this morning), I was getting ready to climb into bed for the night and I started to get the beginning signs of my rib pain and within a few minutes, it was complete torture. I figured that since Dr. M had told me that if I have anymore pains to call up. So I did and they wanted me there ASAP. So a call to a sleepy cab driver and within 5 minutes I was at the hospital (cabbie ran a few red lights for me...lol).

The cabbie left his cab downstairs in the ambulance spot and got me up to L&D pronto. As we turned the corner to talk to the nurses about where I was going, up pops Dr. M's head and she said "so the pain never went away huh?" I was like..ummm no... it hurts ...ALOT!!! So they got me a room and the cabbie left... Dr. M and the nurse were joking around with me and just trying to have fun overall.

They took my BP which was good, my temp was fine, then Dr. M got me to show her where the pain was and what it would be on the pain scale...I showed her and said right now it's a 9.5 and rising. She then grabbed my uterus from the top of my stomach and from the bottom on my belly and shook the baby and asked if it hurt, I said no but that someone else is gonna be pretty pissed in a few minutes... she laughed and said that Miss Pagan can get her back when she delivers her, (at this point I was like WHAT! not now not tonight...) Dr. M told me that the pain is not coming from the baby and that she is fine...she's gonna kick for a bit but she'll be fine.

So where was the pain coming from?? I explained that I hadn't gotten a chance to get my bloodwork done yet and she looked at me and said it's ok we're doing it now and then you can come in next week for your 2-hour test and get it re-done so I can compare the results. The nurse came in and hooked me up to the contraction monitors and the doppler just to be sure the pain was not affecting the baby...it wasn't, she was a happy camper. The lab tech came up and normally when they take blood, I have to have someone hold my arm so I don't flinch, not last night...I didn't even feel her poke me cause I was focused on the pain in my ribs.

Just as the lab tech was leaving the nurse came in with a needle filled with clear liquid, she said it was my pain relief...I quickly lifted the arm of my shirt and she was like...uh uh, it's not going there....(this is when I was like oh crap! this is gonna hurt!). I bent over and exposed my upper butt cheek and prepared for pain...when Dr. M pokes her head through the curtains and starts acting like a 5 year old and saying... "can I watch? can I? can I?" we all started laughing... she asked if I needed to hold her hand and I was like nope.. I got the rail of the bed, I can't break that if it hurts to much..you however I might hurt...lol The nurse then stabbed me and I just told Dr. M how mean she was and her response was "wait till I deliver your baby...*insert evil laugh here* as she left the room and was walking to the reception desk. I looked at the nurse and said to her, "You all are making me not want to have my baby here now." LOL, Dr. M heard that and started to laugh louder... it was too funny.

A little while later, not sure how long cause I was dosing in and out cause I was tired and the pain meds were making me drowsy...never took the pain away but made me fall asleep. The nurse came in and had me drink a small cup of Malox (I think that is what it was). Now at this point I am really tired, want to sleep but I am to the understanding that when my bloodwork comes back they will let me go home. I was half asleep when the nurse came in and grabbed a blanket and told me that my bloodwork came back good, nothing abnormal, so I am booked for an ultrasound first thing in the morning to find out what is causing all of this pain. So going home was out of the question at this point, I kicked my shoes off and got comfy for the night.

Now I forgot to mention that my DF Shawn was NOT with me for any of this... he has a bad bronchial infection and I didn't want him to pass it on to anyone...especially the new mommies in L&D, so I told him that I would call if it was serious and the baby was in danger...but since we determined that the baby was fine, I decided to not call him and let him sleep.

About 9:30am this morning, an orderly came and took me down to ultrasound where I spent about a good 1 1/2 hours getting scanned. They did a full organ scan, kidneys, liver, gallbladder, splean, etc... and then they did a full scan on baby... or at least the woman (god bless her soul) tried to... baby wouldn't stop moving long enough for her to get barely any good photos. She did however confirm without a doubt that our baby is definately a GIRL!!!! I told her it was a good thing too cause I would feel like a bad mommy for dressing my little boy all in pink...lol

After the ultrasound, I get back to my room and have to wait... I go back to sleep and a new nurse comes in and introduces herself and tells me that Dr. E is on call today and that he'll be in shortly and I told her he is my regular OB so this is good timing. Dr. E came in and sat down next to me and went over EVERYTHING... (he is from Africa so he has a really thick accent and normally I can barely understand him but today I hear every word he said with no problem)

He started off by telling me that my chart from his office was a bit off. Dr. C had put in the file that all of my symptons were because of the baby and the possibility of me having her sooner then later were not correct. He said he fixed the file and he reassured me that this baby is gonna bake for as long as she wants...and that doesn't mean till the end of April.. he said she will more then likely come out in early June, if she comes early. The problem I am having is not with the baby but it's with me. My gallbladder is irritated and has a few stones floating around in it. He is referring me to a surgeon to discuss how to remove them surgically after the baby is born. For now he prescribed me perks (which I am not completely sure are safe to take but he said they were ok in small doses).

So overall my stay was good... Dr. M delivered 5 babies in under 3 hours and still had more then enough time to take care of me. It made me feel all gushy inside... or maybe that was the demerol shot she gave me working it's magic...lol But to hear that Miss Pagan is not going to be showing up till June was music to my ears because I was starting to stress out a bit (if you couldn't tell much...lol) I'm worried about the surgery and what it entails but I'll be looking it up shortly and finding out. I found out at the ultrasound that Miss Pagan is weighing in at an estimated weight of 3lbs 15ozs already... can ya say big baby much?

The most caring part of my adventure was when I got home, I walked home from the hospital since it wasn't a blizzard outside (we had a blizzard roll through the past 2 days), and just as I was walking up my steps and reaching for my doorknob, Shawn opens it up with his jacket, boots, and hat on carrying a backpack that had my current craft project in it. He was on his way up to the hospital to find out what was going on and to bring me my cross stitch to work on.... how sweet is that?

I would have posted this sooner, but I have been and still am a bit loopy from the demerol. I can't seen to not want to sleep and I have actually dosed off while typing this...lol I think I need to go back to bed.

I went in for this appointment with good vibes because I figured since no one called me to tell me I failed my glucose test that everything was fine. Not so...I get there to sign in and the receptionist hands me a requistion for more lab work and when I ask what's this for, she tells me I have to have a 2 hour test and that the dr would explain the rest. Ok.. I'll do another glucose test, maybe this time I can convince the girls in the lab to give me an extra one for the road.

So I get into my appointment and she asked how I feel and I tell her I'm good, cold and sniffly but good. She goes over my urine and bloodwork and tells me that it's one of the most colorful reports she has gotten back in a while  Apparently my urine showed the beginning signs of a UTI so guess what? I get to take 7 pills of Macrobid ...YAY! She says my bloodwork had some abnormalities that she wanted to look into more, but she wouldn't tell me what they were, so along with the glucose test I get to have additional bloodwork done....double YAY!

Then she asks me if I have any questions, concerns, or comments for her...well ummm yeah just a few. I told her I fell last week and that I monitored myself and the baby was kicking as usual, no cramping or spotting. She told me that I should have come up as a precaution but since I didn't and I obviously knew what the warning signs were, she is happy I am ok. I told her about my rib pain last week and I told her it happened a week or so before that. I told her I thought it was baby's feet meeting my ribs... Not so again. I have to have my liver and kidneys checked (more additional bloodwork...YAY!) She told me that there are 4 reasons that I could be experiencing this kinda of pain... it starts on the right side at the bottom ribs and goes around the back to the front.

The reasons are:
1) it is baby's feet and she is a strong kicker. (but this is unlikely since the pain extends around my back and to the left side)
2) I have kidney/gallballader issues (I think that is what she said)
3) I have a liver issue
4) it's early signs of Pre-E.

She did a full check over on me after I told her about the pains and she told me that if I noticed any swelling to get my butt up to L&D immediately. My blood pressure was a normal-high...she said it was normal but on the high side of normal. My belly is measuring right on track and I am now up to 161lbs, so I am up 21.3lbs from my pre-preggo weight.

I was told that it would be in my best interest to sign up for my birth tour of the hospital in the next few days instead of when I am 36 weeks because she doesn't think this babe is gonna last that long. She said if my bloodwork came back and her hunches are right, I could have her before April is over or in early May. As much as I am freaked  about it, I am also happy.

So overall, I am not sure if you could call this a good appointment or a bad one. I got to hear the heartbeat and I got a video of it since DF is sicker then a dog and couldn't go... but he better get well enough to go with me on the 21st.... yep.. no more once a month appointments... I get to go in 2 weeks because of my bloodwork and then from there it could remain at every 2 weeks or every week...oh joy oh joy.

I guess I'll start this blog off with the nightmare that was suppose to be my baby shower...

Back in December, I was searching freebie sites for some free baby stuff and I came across the local welcome wagon's website and noticed they were throwing a baby shower... and of all days it was on my birthday.  Of course, I signed up and was really excited to go...I mean it was going to be my only baby shower since I don't have any friends that live around me that would think of throwing me one...(they are all the elderly neighbors in my building).  And since my family is so far away and Shawn's family is far away, I just kinda accepted that if I wanted to have a baby shower for my daughter, that the welcome wagon would be my only chance.

So up until 2 weeks ago, I was sooo ready for this baby to come and to have her here already, then I get an email telling me they changed the date of the shower to April 5th...ok I can still attend that...it's not my birthday, but that's a good thing now that I can look back and know what it was like cause I never want to remember my first preggo birthday with a shower like that.

Shawn had decided that he wasn't going to go with me cause it was a "GIRL" thing.  I was fine with that, I was told I could bring other people with me but as I stated above, I don't know anyone that would be interested.  I did ask a few people who gave me stupid excuses so I stopped asking people.

When I got to the hotel up the road where the shower was being held, I went with the thought of it being all about the mommies and their babies... well someone should have told me it would be a local business conference instead.  When I signed in, they gave me a gift bag, that when I went through it, had more paper with junk typed on it then there needed to be.

I went into the room where the shower was being held and there were all of these booths set up and tons of preggos walking around gathering information.  Now mind you, I realized really quick that I was the only mother-to-be that DIDN'T bring anyone with me.  All of the other preggos brought tons of people...you'd swear they were having their real shower after this one cause of the amount of people there.

I walked around to all of the booths, but I had to take breaks in between because I kept getting winded cause babe here decided mommy doesn't need to breathe... *rolls eyes*  And after I was done with my tour, I sat down and waited to see what else was going to happen.

About 45 minutes later, the real fun started... they began to give away the door prizes...which were cheap-ass things from the dollar store.  If you wanted the good gift baskets they had, you had to pay $5 per basket just for a chance to win one...and if you didn't win one, you didn't get your money back.  Needless to say my money stayed in my pocket, cause I only brought $5 and I wasn't wasting it there....lol  Oh they had cake, but we weren't allowed to touch it...it was for display purposes only.  I took pictures (April 2009 in the picture section) because I figured I can at least dream of what it would be like to rip into one of them. 

So after all of the prizes were given out (a total of 15 minutes) they announced that the shower was over and we were all to leave...nice huh?  No party games, no nothing...I was cheated!!!

When I got home I was holding back tears because as I was walking the whole 5 minutes home, I was coming to the realization that Shawn and I are really on our own here.  We have no family near us to help if we need it.  Our closest family is Shawn's mom and she is an hour or so away, depending on how fast she drives...lol 

My dreams of having an actual shower with my family and friends was completely destroyed.  I envisioned my baby shower as a gathering of my loved ones, fun games, laughs, and cake... lots of cake...that I can actually eat...lol  But that won't ever happen because most of my family is out east in Nova Scotia and New Brunswick, and up in northern Ontario.  I guess I was just hoping to enjoy this like you see on tv...but tv is fake so I guess my dream was too.

Shawn did tell me this little diddy that made me kinda smile (when Sneakers wasn't licking my tears)..."What do you expect when the friends we do have are poorer then us."  He's right...I had high hopes for something that would never be.

The one thing that is getting to me now is that I have told a few people about my nightmare shower and they all seem to think that it's because I didn't get anything for the baby...I could care less about getting things for her because Shawn and I are doing good getting her things on our own, with the exception of the crib (thanks mom and Ken).  It just seems that some people don't get that I care more about having my family here then the amount of gifts I get.

Okay I need to end this or I'll go into a rant and probably start to cry again about this.  Good night and check back sometime tomorrow as I'll be posting about my "eventful" OB appointment today...I don't have the energy to type it all out right now.